Solo, Not Lonely: Embracing God’s gift in Singleness

I always thought that singleness was something that I had to endure, not embrace -- like my life is meant to be put on pause until God hits play to give me my future husband, and that is when I'm meant to start living again. For a long time, I confused being single with being alone, and I would tell myself that once I was in a relationship, I'd finally feel complete, settled, and fully content.

Looking back now.... it was very bad advice I gave myself. Emphasis on bad.

Now, I've never been on a date before, nor have I had my first kiss, so being single to me feels like constant FOMO -- like I was missing something everyone else around me seemed to have that I desperately wanted. And to make matters worse, I would find myself doom-scrolling on Instagram, seeing people that I knew (or followed) get in relationships, engaged, or married. And that, honestly, made me feel so down and feel that I was alone. That this so-called "single season" was in fact a lonely season.

I started wondering where it all went wrong. Was being single my fault? Was something wrong with me? Was I not doing enough to be pursued?

So then I thought to myself, if I just did more -- if I changed myself by doing different hairstyles or outfits I'd get noticed, if I put myself out there on dating apps I'd probably check off my first ever date off my list, or even be the one to initiate said lunch or coffee date because that just had to be the answer. If I just tried harder, then maybe I wouldn't be single right now.

In case you haven't figured out yet... I did all those things.

Still. Single.

I slowly began to see God shifting my perspective. Not all at once, but enough to make me pause. I began to realize that my singleness isn't a punishment, and that me being single doesn't mean that something is wrong with me. I continue to see God be so intentional in this season -- especially knowing that my heart for dating is meant to marry, not just date around for the sake of dating to waste my time or the other guy's time. What I once thought was a delay is actually protection.

What's important to note in this season is that I'm not lonely -- I'm doing life solo for the time being. You see, the thing is, there's a difference. Loneliness stems from the absence of connection, but this season that I'm in, and loving it might I add, is full of connections and finding myself.

My quiet time with the Lord has been so rich and peaceful with reading His Word daily while journaling, that I don't feel like I have to rush in spending time with Him and check it off like it's a to-do list.

I'm able to take care of myself mentally and spiritually by going to the gym since my body is made to be a temple, and I should treat it as such. I have time to travel to new places and invest in friendships and build community. Each day, I'm growing, healing, allowing God to do the work in me that requires me to be still. Where He is pruning, shaping, and refining me into the Woman of God He's called me to be before the Man of God is even in the picture -- and that kind of work God has to do through me can't be rushed.

While single, I just now realized the importance of surrender. Truly just wanting to fully live my life the way God wanted me to -- and to live in the now, not later.

I remember calling a sweet friend and mentor of mine -- Cameron Dobbs, someone I've known since I was in high school and have looked up to ever since. During the long phone call conversation, I finally was able to let myself be vulnerable and honest about where my heart and mind was at, and wanted her insight and wisdom. My singleness had been weighing on me more than I cared to admit.

I shared how deeply my heart longed to be a wife and a mom -- not just a girlfriend. And I'm being honest, I had grown a little bit impatient with God. Tired of waiting. Tired of wondering when it would be my turn.

She listened with so much understanding because she remembered being in the same place. Then she said one word that stuck with me.

Prepare.

At the time, I remember thinking, and if I remember correctly, I said out loud, I keep hearing that word -- but what does that actually mean? She went on to explain that preparation wasn't about passively waiting or striving anxiously. It was about becoming. Preparing to be a wife and a mother now by stewarding in the season I'm in- working on the things God was already inviting me to grow in so that when the time comes, I won't have to be scrambling to address what I had the opportunity to work on this whole time.

As she listed examples of things she had to work on during her season of preparation, I realized I was already forming a list in my head -- things I knew God was calling me to address.

The first was budgeting. I had an ongoing habit of spontaneous spending, so it was important for me to manage my finances wisely. Thanks dad! Then there was driving. I had my license, but I wasn't fully comfortable driving on my own just yet, and independence mattered to me the most.

I also felt convicted about how I approach my quiet time. I wanted my time with the Lord -- my devotional time to be treated as sacred, not rushed or checked off like a task on a to-do list. If I desired one day to be a wife and mom, I knew I needed to cultivate a deeper, more consistent relationship with God now.

Then, of course, came the practical things. If I'm going to be a wife and mom someday, I should probably know how to cook. I knew a few dishes, but I wanted to grow --- learning new recipes and becoming more confident in the kitchen. And lastly, while I was good at tidying up my space, I wanted to be more intentional with it -- starting with something as simple as making up my bed before leaving the house, choosing discipline even in the not-so-glamorous moments.

It's been a year since I made that list, and honestly? It's been going pretty well. Not because I've done everything perfectly, but because I've been consistent and intentional in ways that I wasn't before.

What makes that season -- and that conversation -- even more meaningful now is that Cameron, the same mentor who once spoke those words over me, is now engaged. Not as a reward for waiting, but as a reminder that His timing is intentional, and the seasons of preparation we often resist are often the ones that shape us the most.

With pivoting in today, I've found myself genuinely excited about the season I'm in right now—not waiting for it to pass, but choosing to live in it fully the way He intends it to be. I'm so excited for all the memories and opportunities I get to make this year.

In March, I'm heading to San Diego with my sister and cousins. In April, I'll be in Tampa seeing BTS with my best friend (counting down the days as we speak!), and in May I'm going to Jamaica with my family. I also get to devote more time to my craft of writing and creating --- talk about a full calendar!

But more than just the traveling and the memories, I'm most looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in me this year. How He'll continue to shape and mold me into who I am as a Child of God He's called me to be. In this season of my life, I find it to be very intentional. Not just in my singleness, but with my walk with the Lord and learning that I can trust Him when things start to become still.

Lord, continue to give me endurance. Help me to keep obeying what You say. Teach me to keep trusting You no matter the season. As Isaiah 41:10 reminds me, You are with me, You strengthen me, and You uphold me with your righteous hand.

As well as being able to abide.

Because those who abide in Him will bear much fruit. {John 15:2}

God is slowly replacing my roots so that I can bear proper fruit in due time. In His timing.

The beauty in singleness is that I can fall in love with the Father and know more about Him. And still, when God gives me my future husband, and I'm married, the pursuing and abiding in Him doesn't stop. I mean, when does it ever?

Something I'm just now learning that has truly changed the whole trajectory of how I view dating and marriage is that singleness isn't a curse, and marriage is not the goal.

Let me write it again in case you didn't catch it the first time. Singleness isn't a curse. Marriage is not the goal. Don't get me wrong -- marriage is a huge life goal of mine, but it is not the goal. Being married shouldn't complete you or make you feel content. The only thing that should make you content is the relationship you have with God.

Because no matter what season I'm in: single, dating, engaged, or married, the only man I should be pursuing is Jesus. This is what makes my singleness not lonely, but deeply purposeful. The beauty of singleness is that God is using this season to prepare me, keeping me hidden and pruning me, until He says to my future husband, "Ok, it's time. Pursue her," and he confirms to me, "This is the man for you."

I want this current season to be so God-ordained that when marriage comes, it is entirely something that God has constructed. And don't get me wrong --- as I write this, I'm still learning and growing, but I know that this is something God is still doing in me.

Take this with a gentle nudge: to live in the now, not later. Go on that trip, call that mentor or friend, invest in yourself, and prepare in this season so you don't have to worry about it later. Spend time with our Creator -- He's not distant; He misses you and is longing for you.

Remember, this season you're in right now? You're not lonely. You're just doing life solo for now -- and that is a gift.