Waiting Well: Trusting God With What You Can't Rush (Part 3)

A/N: This blog post is dedicated to my mentor Jill, who I met during my internship at Christ Fellowship. During one of the hardest seasons of my life, she has encouraged me in ways she probably doesn't even realize. From meeting up at Starbucks to gently reminding me to stay connected in community, her wisdom helped guide me when I felt stuck and discouraged. Because of her encouragement, I stepped into serving during the week and attending Christ Fellowship Young Adults, which gave me something meaningful to hold onto during my job search. Jill, thank you for walking alongside me during this season and pointing me back to the Lord every step of the way.

For months, I thought this season meant isolation. Just me, my job applications, and God. But trying to handle everything alone was doing more harm than good. I stayed in the Word, journaling through the Book of John every day, but deep down, I knew I needed more than quiet time. I needed people too.

Through community, I slowly started stepping out of my comfort zone.

I even drove -- yep, drove (because we love to prepare!) to a coffee shop to meet with Luana, a friend I met through OneHope, and we caught up. She encouraged me so much in my job search.

I also met up with my mentor, Jill, at Starbucks and finally let myself be vulnerable and honest about how hard the past few months have been.

Some days it was hard to walk into church with a smile on my face or even get out of bed. The weight I was carrying felt heavier than I wanted to admit.

But with her wisdom, she encouraged me to create a schedule and find small ways to stay connected. She suggested I start serving during the week at church --- a way for me to get out of the house for a few hours.

I left Starbucks with homework to do --- I created and adjusted my schedule to where I made room to serve during the midweek programs, and even started going to Christ Fellowship Young Adults 20s and 30s at their Boynton Beach campus.

Eventually, I started to find my footing again. With every week of looking forward to dive into my Word, going to Young Adults on Tuesdays and be with other believers, serving on Wednesdays, watching sermons online or even going on Holy Girl walks around my neighborhood listening to Worship music or Christian rap, I found myself smiling again. It came to a point where I wasn't applying for that much jobs anymore and was just focused on what I can do to spend more time with Him and serve others.

The small things that helped me find my footing again: time in the Word, having community at Young Adults, listening to sermons, serving others, and partaking in Holy Girl Walks to seek Him.

As I settled into a new rhythm of community and consistency in the Word, I also came to an important realization: not everything in my life needed to be shared.

I began to slowly see how people's opinions would cloud my judgement. Building community and spending daily time with God felt right and necessary for me -- even if it didn't make sense to everyone else.

Hearing from some people that I deeply care about and confided in say that what I was doing wasn't "productive" or that I should humble myself in working at a fast food restuarant had me taken aback for a moment because their opinions mattered to me. Until I realized that I was giving their opinions more authority than what God was leading me into was doing more harm than good.

I began learning how to tune out the noise of the world and turn up the truth of who God says I am.

As I continued pursuing community in my church and deeper intimacy with the Lord, I started finding the joy in the mundane. Comfort in the everyday things. I found myself cooking meals that I genuinely loved -- my salmon bowls, which I will proudly say are very good -- while listening to Happy & Healthy by Jeanine Amapola Ward, relating to episodes about singleness, the waiting seasons, and navigating life in your 20s.

Cooking had started to become my therapy during this season--- good food, podcasts, and learning to embrace the waiting.

I even began finding joy in unloading the dishwasher. And if you know me, you know that is saying a lot -- because I hate unloading the dishes, especially when it's full. But during that season, I always had my headphones in, playing my Ecclesiasties 3:11 playlist -- the one thing that was holding me together when everything around me felt still.

And out of all the songs on that playlist, there was one I always found myself replaying every time I stood at the sink unloading the dishes: On Time God by Woman Evolve Worship featuring Chandler Moore and Abbie Gamboa.

That song in particulary ministered to me so deeply, because even though I didn't have the job yet, and I was finding routine at home, I held onto the quiet assurance that God would provide the right one -- In His perfect timing. There is a part in the bridge where they repeat:

So keep watching, keep waiting

Keep hoping, keep praying

(Keep watching)

(Oh 'cause He always comes)

Keep hoping, keep praying

Each time those lyrics circled back around, I'd feel tears well up as I stood there in the kitchen, overwhelemd by emotion. Because in those moments, I wasn't just hearing words --- I was picturing myself already with a job that God provided perfectly for me.

Even while unloading dishes, or cooking dinner with a podcast playing in the background, I started to find a new rhythm: keep waiting, keep praying, keep hoping. And in time, what God was able to work behind the scenes, will come into full fruition.

In the midst of all of this, my mom told me about a position that had opened up FAU Libraries --- Senior Library Specialist --- and encouraged me to apply.

I hesitated.

I had worked at FAU as a student before, and a part of me felt like going back would mean settling. I had envionsed something bigger for myself -- working for a Christian organization or a church, using my gift for writing.

And if I'm being honest, after having gone through so many rejections, I wasn't sure if I could handle another one.

But my mom gently reminded me that she had connections and could help me get my foot in the door. With full of nerves and hesitation, I went ahead and applied.

The following weekend was Sisterhood Conference, hosted every year by Pastor Julie. My mom and I were attending the first time, and I couldn't have been more excited. Since my family and I attend the Boca Raton campus, the confernce was held at the Boynton Beach location --- I was counting down the days.

On the drive to the Boynton Beach campus, I felt lighter than I had in weeks. I was looking forward to worshipping alongside other God-fearing women, hearing an encouraging message from Pastor Julie, and, of course, the after-party.

For a moment, the weight of unemployment and the uncertainity of the FAU application faded into the background. I wasn't refreshing my email every five minutes. I wasn't rehearsing "what ifs" scenarios in my head.

I was looking forward to just being present.

As I walked into the audiorium during worship, I could feel that God was present.

All around me were women with lifted hands, singing in full surrender and adoration to our Heavenly Father.

Finding a seat, I stood there overwhelmed, tears streaming down my face. It felt like everything that I had been carrying for monts was finally being laid down at His feet. In that moment I felt myself surrendering -- letting go of the pressure to have everything figured out and trusting that God had already had it structured and had it all together perfectly for me.

When it came time for Pastor Julie to speak, I had my Bible open and journal ready. I came prepared -- ready to receive whatever God wanted to show me right at this very moment.

As she began preaching, something shifted.

The title of the message was "Who She Is", based on the second book of Chronicles chapter 20 -- the story of Jehosaphat facing the armies of the Moabites, Ammonites, and Meunites.

A message from Sisterhood Conference that reminded me of a truth I needed in that season: the battle is not mine, but God's.

Jehosaphat and his men were greatly outnumbered, and fear quickly spread among the people. But instead of rushing into battle or trying to figure everything out on his own, Jehosaphat turned to God first. He called the people to pray and fast. As it says in verses 3-4:

"Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him."

One thing Pastor Julie said during the message that I quickly wrote down in my journal was this: Fear is the opportunity to fix your eyes on Jesus.

Notice how immediately Jehosaphat turned to God the moment he realized the battle that was incoming. He didn't let "what if" scenarios cloud his judgement, and he didn't scramble to handle the situation on his own. He went straight to the Lord because he trusted that God would take care of what was beyond his control.

As Christ followers, that's exactly what we're called to do. When we face situations that feel uncertain, overwhelming, or completely out of our hands, we can use those moments as opportunities to go to God.

When Jehosaphat and his men along with their wives and children came together in prayer and fasting, a spirit Jahaziel declared over them that the battle is not for them to handle, but the Lord's -- their was no need to live in fear. As it says in verse 15-17:

He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you."

But in that moment, it felt like God was gently reminding me that this season was never mine to control in the first place. The job search, the waiting, the uncertainty — it wasn’t a battle I had to win on my own. God was already fighting on my behalf. I wrote down in big letters, THE BATTLE IS THE LORD'S!

I left the conference that night with my mom feeling lighter than I had in months. For the first time in a while, I had a deep sense of peace --- knowing that no matter what happens next, God had already won the battle that I was fighting for on my behalf.

We made our way to the after-party in the lobby, where music was playing and sweet treats were being handed out. The lobby was filled with joy and laughter.

My mom and I ran into Jill, and we spent a few minutes talking about how incredible the conference had been and how deeply the message had touched my heart.

A little while after, I casually pulled out my phone to check my email --- not expecting anything.

But what I saw next completely threw me off guard.

As I glanced at my inbox, one email immediately caught my attention. The subject line read: "FAU Senior Library Specialist Invitation"

My heart started racing as I opened it right away. As I read through the message, I could hardly believe it -- they wanted to schedule an in-person interview the following week. 

I couldn't help but think about the timing of it all. Just hours earlier, I had been sitting in a room listening to Pastor Julie talk about surrendering our battles to God and trusting Him to handle what we cannot. And now here I was, standing in the middle of the lobby outside of the auditorium, staring at an email about a possible job opportunity with FAU Libraries.

Feeling beyond overjoyed, I remember rushing over to my mom and Jill to share the news with them. We stood there celebrating together, amazed at how everything had just unfolded.

I scheduled my interview for the following Thursday, and just like the last time, my dad helped me prepare for it.

In the days leading up to the interview, I kept thinking back to the message from Sisterhood Conference. The word's from 2 Chronicles 20 kept replaying in my mind: "The battle is not yours, it is the Lord's."

Instead of feeling overwhelmed or anxious like I had during the first round of applications, I felt a different kind of peace this time. I knew that whatever the outcome would be, God had already gone before me.

The night before my interview, my dad and I sat down together to prepare. Just like he had done before, he helped me go over possible questions and reminded me to be confident in the skills and experience that God had given me.

On the day of the interview, I noticed somthing surprising -- I wasn't nearly as nervous as I had been during my previous interviews.

As the conversation unfolded, I found myself speaking confidently about my experience at OneHope and my time working at the Student Union at FAU. I also shared how, during my years as a student, the FAU library had become one of my favorite places to study, with different spots around the building where I loved to do my homework. Growing up, I always had a love for reading, books, and libraries, so being in that enviornment felt natural to me.

The interview itself felt easy and relaxed --- almost like a regular conversation. At one point, we were even smiling and laughing together.

Toward the end of the interview, they encouraged me to apply for another position --- Senior Library Technical Assistant --- which had many of the same responsibilities as the Senior Library Specialist role, just under a different job title. They also shared how much they had enjoyed speaking with me, which left me walking out of the interview feeling more hopeful than I had in a very long time.

A few days later, I received another email with an update in my inbox: they were moving my application forward to the next stage. All I needed to do was provide two references. After submitting them, I was told my application would be sent to the HR team, which meant the next steps would include a background check--- and potentially an offer letter.

Hearing that, I realized I was one step closer to seeing my prayers answered after months of uncertainity, rejection emails, and spending time in the Lord's presence. It felt as though the door that had been closed for so long was finlly beginning to open. After completing the background check, I waited nervously--- or excitedly--- for the email that I assumed would be my offer letter.

But the email that appeared in my inbox was something I never expected. Instead of an otffer letter, the message explained that they had been informed I was still a student and therefore could not be hired, since student employees are limited to working only 20 hours per week. This particular position required availability beyond that limit. Based on the information that they had received, they said they could no longer move forward with my application.

Reading that email gutted me. Because the moment I finished reading it, I knew there had to be some kind of mistake---- I had already graduated, so it must've been a glitch in the system that made HR believe that I was still a student.

I ran to my mom with tears in my eyes, showing her the email. I was angry. I was sad. So many emotions were swirling inside of me. How could this happen? Right when it felt like the door was finally about to open, it seemed like it had been slammed shut.

In that moment, I was angry at the situation. I was even angry at God. I know that God directs our steps, but I found myself questioning His plan. Why would an opportunity appear right in front of me, only for it to be taken away?

But almost as quickly as those thoughts came, I had to pause and remind myself of the truth. God is not a taker---- He is a director. Even when His plans don't make sense in the moment, they are still good. And right then, I had to trust Him, even in the middle of the confusion.

With my mom's guidance, I slowly began to calm down. She immediately believed this had to be a mistake and that this could be fixable. Before I knew it, she was already emailing someone in her network about the situation.

After a few back-and-forth emails, she told me we would need to go to FAU Admissions bright and early the next morning to explan everything and request a printed copy of my official transcript to show HR that I had already graduated.

It sounded like a good plan, but I could feel my hope starting to slip. Even if we went the next day, I was worried they had already moved on to another candidate---something I had grown painfully familiar with by that point.

That night I couldn't find myself falling asleep. My mind kept racing, replaying everything and wondering what the next day would bring. So much doubt clouded my mind that I couldn't calm myself or my mind down.

The only thing I knew that would bring me to peace was to open my Bible.

I turned to where I had last left off in Gospel of Mark, chapter 4 and began reading about the Parable of the Mustard Seed. As I read verses 31-32, tears immediately filled my eyes:

"It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade."

In that moment, I knew that the Lord was talking to me. I was reminded that even the smallest amount of faith can produce something far greater than we could ever imagine.

With tears falling down my face, I began writing in my journal about everything I was feeling. How scared I was thinking that the job I was excited and hoping for, might fall through and that I would be facing months of silence and uncertainity all over again. That was the moment I realized I couldn't keep fighting this battle on my own anymore. Recalling back to what Pastor Julie said during the Sisterhood Conference, "The battle is not yours, it is the Lord's!" I had done everything I could.

The rest had to be placed in God's hands --- job or no job, I had to fully surrender and put my trust in Him.

I woke up the next morning with a renewed mindset and a sense of hope, trusting that God would be by my side regardless of the outcome. Whether I had the job or not, I knew I could still trust Him.

When I walked into the FAU Admissions office with copies of my unofficial transcript and emails in hand, my anxiety was at an all-time high. As I stood there speaking with the admissions staff, they explained that since I was no longer a student, I should be eligible to work at the FAU libraries. They advised me to go over to Human Resources and explain my situation.

When I went into the Human Resources office, I explained the situation and asked if anything could be done to resolve the issue as soon as possible so that I could begin working at FAU Libraries. After pulling up my records, they confirmed that I was no longer listed as a student since I had graduated the previous December. And to get the extra reassurce I needed, they were able to email the head of Administrative Services for FAU Libraries to let them know that they can proceed me with me as their new hire.

Receving that email felt like a moment I had been quietly waiting for, for a long time. For months, I had carried the weight of uncertainity on my shoulders--- constantly wondering when the right opportunity would come and if the door would finally open. Seeing that email confirmining that the job was finally mine, made everything even more surreal.

In that moment, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. The anticipation, the longing, and the quiet anixety that had been sitting in the back of my mind for so long had finally lifted. Looking back now, I realize that the waiting season carried more purpose and meaning than I could see while I was in the middle of it. At the time, that season felt like a long awaited pause--- life was holding still while everyone else around me was moving on to the next big thing. But in reality, this season was shaping me in ways I didn't fully understand. It was teaching me patience when things didn't move at the pace I wanted. It was teaching me resilience when doubt tried to creep in. And most importantly, it was teaching me how to keep believing that something good could still come, even when I couldn’t yet see it.

The waiting also gave me time to reflect on what I truly wanted. When everything felt still, all I truly and really wanted was to be in the presence of Jesus. Instead of rushing into the first opportunity that appeared, I had the chance to grow in my walk with the Lord, to prepare by taking care of myself and invest time in myself like cooking, going on walks, and spending time with people that truly mattered and cared for me.

With it now being seven months into the job that the Lord has blessed me with, I carry that season with me. Through the lessons and experience in waiting has given me a deeper appreciaton for the opportunity I have now. It reminds me that in every season, even the ones that feel slow or uncertain, has a purpose.

Even as I write this, there are still things in my life that I am waiting and longing for. Some prayers have yet to be answered, and rather than sit and wait for the prayer to be answered, I go to the Lord in the midst of my waiting. And through this season, I'm learning something I didn't fully understand before--- that in the waiting it doesn't have to be empty.

Instead of seeing it as a place of longing, I'm learning to find joy within it. In the midst of the quiet moments, the Lord is still working, still shaping, and still preparing my heart. He is pruining the away the things that no longer serve me as I'm growing within my patience, trust, and faith that I will need for what lies ahead.

The waiting season is no longer just about what I hope will come next, but about who I am becoming in the process. Each day of waiting is another opportunity to trust His timing, to grow in ways I may not yet fully understand, and to believe that what He is preparing will be worth the patience it requires.

To anyone who finds themselves in a waiting season, whatever that might be, my encouragment to you is this: don't rush past the process. It may feel uncomfortable at times, but there is purpose even in the silence. Allow yourself to grow, to learn, and to trust that the waiting may be preparing you for something greater than you currently see. What feels like a delay, is actually a season of preparation.