Almost: When Hope Meets Disappointment (Part 2)

The morning of my interview, I woke up early to make myself a cup of coffee to do my quiet time with God -- I was journaling and studying the book of John while also just simply thanking Him for being with me throughout every single step so far.

I had my folder ready with copies of my resume and a list of questions for each member of the Advancement team. As prepared as I felt, the nerves slowly started creeping back in, so my mom insisted on driving me to the interview. On the way there, I quietly reviewed everything --- reviewing potential questions, going over my answers, and mentally going over my resume one more time.

When we pulled up to Palm Beach Atlantic University, something shifted. I just knew this is where God wanted me to be. I could picture myself commuting to and from campus, growing in my craft, and using the gifts He had on my heart right here at the university.

Going to the room for my interview, the calmness that I felt during my other interviews washed over me again. I felt the Lord's presence so clearly, like He was in the room with me. The interview itself was set up roundtable-style. Two members of the Advancement team sat across from me, rotating in and out every 15 minutes, so each round I was meeting someone new.

They asked about my experience, my work, and my why behind what I do, and somehow the words just flowed. I answered confidently, almost surprised at how naturally the words came out. It felt like God was speaking through me --- through my smile, my voice, and my confidence. After each round, I had to take a sip of water, trying to keep my mouth from going dry before the next person walked in.

During the last and final round, I took the last sip of my water leaving it empty. It has all come down to this. As for the two people on the advancement team that I would potentially work with, I was giving my all and answering every single question the best that I knew how. It once again was a smooth conversation, as if for a second, it almost didn't feel like an interview at all.

Once the interview wrapped up, I shook their hands and told them that it was a pleasure meeting them and was looking forward to be hearing from them. Walking out of the interview, a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, but my brain felt like mush.

I realized then that due to my early morning nerves, the only thing I had in my stomach was coffee and the bottle of water I just drank.

I remember walking out of the interview with one thing on mind... Food and a nap!

After a hearty meal from Zaxby's and a well-deserved nap, I felt relieved. Rejuvenated. Refreshed. I remembering my dad telling me that when it comes to finishing the final stage of the interview, you have to send a follow-up thanking them for the opportunity email, so that's what I did.

At this point I was waiting to hear back on whether I got the job or not. So I waited. And waited. And I waited some more.

A few days go by, I finally check my email, and what I saw wasn't exactly what I expected.

I didn't get the job.

But they shared that I had been one of their top contendors and encouraged me to apply for another role --- a Student Communications Specialist position. It wasn't a yes...but it wasn't a full no either. Still, I'd be lying if I said that seeing that email did sting a little.

So I went ahead and applied for the position and started preparing for yet another interview, which happened to fall just a few days before my birthday.

My sister Taylor and my mom kept telling me, "You're going to have a job before your birthday. Just wait."

So in my head, I thought, Okay, Lord...this has to be it. After months of waiting and preparing, maybe this is finally the one.

Going into the interview, I felt confident -- maybe even a little bit more confident than before. I shared my experience, talked through my work, and explained how I could genuinely be an asset to the team. Once again, I walked out with my brain feeling like mush from talking too much... but deep down, I felt like I nailed it.

Or so I thought.

Days passed, it was August 4th, and I didn't hear anything. Finally, I decided to send a follow-up email politely asking for an update. And almost immediately after hitting send, a reply came through.

They had decided to move forward with another candidate.

Reading that email it felt like all the air had been knocked out of me.

I couldn't fully accept the fact that I didn't get the job until I told my mom trying to keep myself together -- I didn't want her to see me cry.

All I wanted to do was hide in my room and cry myself to sleep. I woke up hours later with puffy eyes and ache in my chest. The sadness didn't last long --- it turned into anger.

I was angry at myself. I was angry at God.

Taylor and my mom had spoken so confidently about me having a job before my birthday, and now my birthday was two days away and I was still unemployed. I didn't even have the energy to keep applying anymore. It felt pointless, like I was stuck in the same cycle of hope and disappointment.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do --- I went to God and leaned into community.